Editor's Note: Dr. Ellenmorris Tiegerman is the founder and executive director of the School for Language and Communication Development in Glen Cove.

It is springtime and everything has come into bloom. There is a magnificent array of colors and arrangement of flowers. As gardeners, we develop an extraordinary respect for the diversity of our plants and struggle every year to take care of them. The similarities between flowers and children are quite extraordinary.  

Obviously, there is a great deal of diversity across children who are developing and even within families in which there are twins and/or triplets. The problem for parents is that they are bombarded with books, newspaper articles and media stories about the do's and don'ts of parenting. Often, parents think that there is a single answer and/or strategy that works for every child. Nothing can be further from the truth. Children are very different and the techniques that work for one child may be totally ineffective with another.

Parents need not only to observe their children with peers and in play settings but more important, parents need to listen to their children carefully. Children ask for many different things in many different ways and at many different times. It is important for parents to distinguish between what children think they want and what they really need. Setting boundaries and saying 'No' is not only healthy, but part of the real world experience.

Yes, the self-help books can provide interesting ideas and insights about child-rearing procedures. Understand, however, that your child is not necessarily in the textbook. Techniques need to be tried and modified and parents need to learn that having children is all about a marathon and not a sprint race. 

With all the trials and tribulations that occur with raising children, the single most valuable characteristic that keeps most parents in their right mind is a sense of humor. Most of the dramatic episodes that occur with children do not rise to the level of a critical crisis. Problems are usually short-term and despite all of the drama, the episode ends and children move on to the next learning experience.  

Parenting is a learning process. We do not start out as parents. We become parents. It is that long-distance race that gives us the perspective that we need to make good decisions. Parents need to be kind to themselves and understand that they are growing up with their children. Think about flowers and gardening.